Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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