Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
