So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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