I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
