On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
