her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
