shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
