my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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