Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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