she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
