You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
