so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
