so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I did not marry a roomba.
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