Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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