I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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