Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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