Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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