I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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