what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
