She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
