we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
