He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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