I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
