i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
