So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Green mimosas i think yes
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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