I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize