I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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