But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
