we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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