omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
