Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
