Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize