I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
