90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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