I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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