You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
