Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize