my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize