I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
