help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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