Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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