just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
