Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
