Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
