I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
