just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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