Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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