Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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