the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
