She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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