Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
