Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I see more hoeing in ur future
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