i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
