craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
