He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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