I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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