Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
