went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
two words...techno handjob
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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