my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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