I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
