Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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