The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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