Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize