She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
