proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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