i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
